Introduction
Are you having more or less sex than other couples? Read here to find out what’s normal and how you compare.
If you’re in a relationship, you might be wondering how the amount of sex the two of you are having compares to other couples. Is it normal to have sex once a week? What about once a month? Or what about once per day? Does a healthy sex life depend upon having more sex?
In this blog post, we’ll dive into the topic of how much sex is normal and what you can do if you feel like you’re not getting enough action under the sheets.
How Much Sex Is Normal?
The frequency of sex can vary from couple to couple. You don’t need to have a more active sex life in order to have a better relationship. For some couples, once or twice a month might be enough. Other couples need to have sex more often in order to feel sexual satisfaction.
Research has found that on average, married couples have sex about once per week. A 2019 article in the British Medical Journal reported people who were married or cohabitating had sex a median of three times per month—which amounts to slightly less than once a week.
Other research reports that younger people in their 20s have sex more often (80 times per year, on average, or 1.5 times a week) compared with people in their 60s, who have sex less (an average of 20 times per year or less than twice a month).
Health Benefits of Sex Once a Week
As far as the health benefits of sex, once a week seems to be the magic number. Research shows that having sex once a week is linked to increased relationship satisfaction and well-being. However, for people in relationships, having sex more than once per week is not associated with any additional health benefits.
In other words, having sex more than once per week doesn’t make you any happier with your relationship or your life. But if you and your partner enjoy having frequent sex, there’s nothing wrong with having it as much as you want. Just keep in mind that if you normally only have it once per week, having more sex won’t make your relationship better or improve your mental health—at least according to research.
In many of those studies, the researchers did not specify to the couples what type of sex they were talking about. For example, if a couple was having a lot of oral sex, the couple might think that type of sex is not true sex and not count it in their sexual frequency.
Each Couple Is Unique
Comparing the two of you to other couples isn’t a good idea. Just because once a week is average for other couples, doesn’t mean the number is the same for you. It basically comes down to what feels right for you. While some couples need more intercourse to develop an intimate connection, other couples need less sex.
One study from Carnegie Mellon University divided couples into two groups:
- One group kept their sex lives at their normal frequency
- Another group had double the amount of sex they normally did.
When all was said and done, the latter group thought that the extra sex wasn’t much fun and that it started to feel more like a chore. For these couples, a normal sex life meant less sex rather than more.
Factors that Temporarily Affect Frequency of Sex
It’s perfectly normal to have less sex than usual if certain things are going on in your or your partner’s life, such as:
- Work stress
- Family stress
- Illness
- Hormonal changes
- Medication
- Being in pain
Each of these factors can affect your sex drive and zap your libido. If medication is the culprit, ask your doctor about switching the type of drug you’re taking or lowering the dose. Your doctor also can help address hormonal changes, such as lower testosterone levels, or treat illness or pain.
Stress reduction techniques like meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature can help put you in the mood during anxious times.
If the issue is that you’re busy with life’s responsibilities, try scheduling sex. Although some people like spontaneity, it can be exciting to anticipate your upcoming time together.
What If One Partner Doesn’t Want the Same Amount of Sex as the Other?
Many couples find they have different sex drives. This is often natural. The two of you may have different ideas about what frequency makes for good sex lives. You might think once a day is ideal while your partner prefers once a week. Open communication about your wants and needs is important.
How to Have More Sex
If you’re not having sex as much as you’d like, here are some suggestions on how to get it on more often:
Get Physical Even When You’re Not in the Mood
If you’re not in the mood for sex, getting physically intimate anyway might stimulate your libido.
Focus on Your Partner
You can also try pleasuring your partner during those times when you’re not feeling up to sex. That way they’re satisfied and don’t feel deprived.
Address Your Performance Issues
If you’re having performance issues and find yourself dreading the thought of having sex because you’re afraid you won’t be able to take the act to completion, then your best bet to have more sex is to resolve your sexual decline.
“Usually my patients with sexual decline are a bit intimidated by having sex,” says Dr. Paul Thompson, a urologist and surgeon for more than 30 years. “They start to feel discouraged and wonder why they should bother trying to have sex when they won’t be able to take it to completion anyway.”
This reduced sex drive can lead to partners feeling unsatisfied and wanting more sex than their significant other is able to offer.
“When a man is experiencing performance issues, I recommend he try The Phoenix,” says Thompson. “The Phoenix is an acoustic sound wave therapy device you use in the privacy of your home. I’ve used similar technology in my clinic for more than a decade and The Phoenix delivers equally effective results at a fraction of the cost.”
Faqs About Frequency of Sex
How many times a week do couples have sex?
The frequency of sex differs from couple to couple. Studies show that once per week is average, but many couples have more or less sex. Research also shows that once a week is good for mental health but having sex more than once a week doesn’t lead to any additional benefits to mental health.
Whatever your norm is, having sex more than that can make it feel like a chore, so open up a line of communication with your partner to see if they’re happy with your current frequency.
Can a lack of sex ruin a relationship?
Sex is important for physical intimacy within a relationship. If you’re not having sex at all, you’re in a sexless relationship where the two of you have become more like good friends than a couple in a romantic relationship. Married couples who don’t have sex at all are missing out on the health benefits of sex and the ability to develop sexual intimacy.
What is a healthy sex life?
A healthy sex life involves both an emotional connection and physical intimacy. You should feel safe, connected, and accepted by your partner, especially when you share your sexual desires. A healthy sex life also means that both you and your partner are feeling satisfied by how much sex you’re having. Communicate with your partner if you feel like you’re not having a sexual encounter as often as you’d like and brainstorm ways to increase your time in bed together.
What factors can interfere with a normal sex life?
Certain factors can make you feel too worn out or distracted to have sex. These include:
- Work stress
- Family stress
- Illness
- Hormonal changes
- Medication
- Being in pain
Resolving these issues by talking with your doctor, trying ways to reduce stress like meditation or yoga, or even resolving work stress by changing jobs can get you back in the groove again.
